Community and Femme Conference
On Friday morning I’m off to the Femme2008 Conference in Chicago. Between presenting a panel, performing two pieces, I have a lot to worry about and a lot of clothes to pack! Since I haven’t flown in at least two years (since before the liquid bomb thing) I spent Saturday trying to fit three kinds of concealer and Goddess knows what else into a teeny tiny one quart bag and asking everyone I saw for advice.
Now that I understand the difference between solid and gel deodorant, I think I can fit everything in. So now I need to worry about clothes. I was trying not to worry about it because I’m afraid that if I spend extra time or effort on dressing for this conference I’m complicit in turning it into a competition. But of course I want to take care with my clothes for the same reasons I always do - to feel good about myself, because it’s fun, to be seen in the world (more or less) the way I want to be seen.
My roommate suggested that I should look at it more as an opportunity to be in an environment where people will see and appreciate my gender, and opportunity that I should take advantage of by having fun with my appearance. This positive spin is helping.
I also think about this when I’m getting dressed for MadFemmePride events. I love getting a chance to bust out a costume-y outfit, bolder or fancier that usual. But every once in a while I wonder if I’m still doing it for the right reasons. Am I doing it sometimes because people have come to expect it? Am I creating a public image of myself, and, if so, is it any more authentic than if I was butching it up in cargo shorts and sneakers? How do I determine which parts of my high standards are for me and which parts are for other people? To what extent am I ok with dressing for others? How do I navigate this with out turning it into a competition?
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