August 28th, 2008 Sassafras
I’ve been really sad ever since hearing the news yesterday that Del Martin died. The moment that she and Phyllis Lyon were married just a couple of months ago was so beautiful, and even though I have an incredibly complicated relationship to the institution of marriage I was incredibly touched by the fact that they were the first couple to be married. Yesterday I heard about her death before a lot of news outlets had picked it up and I just kept thinking about how sad it was, and what an inspiration their relationship is to so many of us in the community. When I got home from work and Kestryl told me that all the flags in San Francisco including a rainbow flag were flying at half mast in her honor I nearly lost it, it was such a beautiful image, and yet as a femme I feel incredibly conflicted.
As most folks know Del Martin and her partner Phyllis Lyon founded Daughters of Bilitis,the first national lesbian organization, and as part of that ran the organization’s monthly magazine The Ladder. This all relates to femmeness because the Daughters of Bilitis as an organization was primarily focused on the needs of middle class white lesbians, and encouraged its members to avoid standing out so as not to tarnish the cultural appearance of the rest of them. This means that the group actively encouraged folks to not cross-dress, to avoid appearing as too different, and to not embrace butch-femme cultures and identities. Read the rest of this entry »
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August 26th, 2008 maggie
We’re off to Philadelphia and Baltimore this weekend! Here’s a quick hit from the Philadelphia City Paper. Not sure where they got the idea that we’re “lady DJ’s”. Ha.
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August 22nd, 2008 maggie
Warning: completely fluffy post follows:
Maybe because my brain is still fried from the femme conference, or maybe because I read US weekly at the airport (it’s my constitutional right to read gossip rags while traveling), I’ve been thinking about celebrity butch-femme type couples. Poor Samantha Ronson is getting tons of shit for her plaid shirts and hoodies, and while I don’t love her fashion sense or find her attractive, I don’t think it’s fair for the Go Fug Yourself folks and their ilk to take her style out of the context of her gender and expect her to wear whatever they think young feminine celebrities should be wearing. I don’t care all that much about queer celebrities most of the time, but it would be nice if people could make an effort to understand just a little tiny bit about different gender expressions.
Anyway, a friend just informed me that she has purchased the people magazine with Ellen and Portia’s wedding pictures and I am so excited! I love the way the lines of Portia’s dress echoed the lines of Ellen’s vest, I love how happy they look, I love the cream. Even if they don’t ID as butch or femme I like seeing a romantic, idealized picture of that celebrated in pop culture. But some folks at feministing are unhappy about Ellen’s joke about Portia cooking and cleaning and “taking her off the market.” I like feministing for news but they continually take a one-sided, second-wave view of queer women as gender-free, oatmeal-eating, cuddling overall-wearers. Fortunately, there are some good comments in response.
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August 18th, 2008 maggie
(written on the plan coming home)
In high school I travelled with my student ballet company to a workshop in Boston, one day of competing and one day of classes from 9-5. Sick with a cold, after day of doing the same steps over and over, when I closed my eyes in the car on the way home, I saw people turning and turning. I felt like I was still dancing in the same way you feel the waves still rocking you after a good day of swimming.
Tonight, on the plane home to Boston, I closed my eyes and heard stories, not coherent passages, not the notes I took but phrases I swallowed whole and gobbled up with my heart. I saw the bright colors, purple and red and green and yellow and glitter, so much glitter and silver and flowers and feathers in hair. Read the rest of this entry »
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August 15th, 2008 Sassafras
Just about every femme I know is either in Chicago this weekend for the big femme conference, at NOLOSE, or hibernating away from all of it. I had briefly entertained thoughts of going to Chicago, but in the end, a number of factors (including the in my opinion absurd cost of registration) contributed to me deciding not to go, and I have to say that now the weekend has arrived I couldn’t be happier with that decision. Maybe it’s a manifestation of my own internalized femmephobia, but the prospect of spending a weekend with several hundred femmes sounds completely terrifying. Playing a part I’m sure is that the first femme “community” I discovered was incredibly competitive, and catty, and even though I’ve since discovered my own communities of femmes (including of course the femme show folks) who are anything BUT that, I still can’t imagine a conference like that not disintegrating into a competitive mess. I hope everyone in Chicago is having an excellent time, but for me having heard some of the horror stories of previous years D-R-A-M-A I know I’ve made the right choice for me.
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August 12th, 2008 maggie
On Friday morning I’m off to the Femme2008 Conference in Chicago. Between presenting a panel, performing two pieces, I have a lot to worry about and a lot of clothes to pack! Since I haven’t flown in at least two years (since before the liquid bomb thing) I spent Saturday trying to fit three kinds of concealer and Goddess knows what else into a teeny tiny one quart bag and asking everyone I saw for advice.
Now that I understand the difference between solid and gel deodorant, I think I can fit everything in. So now I need to worry about clothes. I was trying not to worry about it because I’m afraid that if I spend extra time or effort on dressing for this conference I’m complicit in turning it into a competition. But of course I want to take care with my clothes for the same reasons I always do - to feel good about myself, because it’s fun, to be seen in the world (more or less) the way I want to be seen.
My roommate suggested that I should look at it more as an opportunity to be in an environment where people will see and appreciate my gender, and opportunity that I should take advantage of by having fun with my appearance. This positive spin is helping.
I also think about this when I’m getting dressed for MadFemmePride events. I love getting a chance to bust out a costume-y outfit, bolder or fancier that usual. But every once in a while I wonder if I’m still doing it for the right reasons. Am I doing it sometimes because people have come to expect it? Am I creating a public image of myself, and, if so, is it any more authentic than if I was butching it up in cargo shorts and sneakers? How do I determine which parts of my high standards are for me and which parts are for other people? To what extent am I ok with dressing for others? How do I navigate this with out turning it into a competition?
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