I figured it out! There is one thing, and one thing only, that explains my sexuality. Not my sexual orientation, but what I want from people I’m attracted to and how I interact with them. It’s a little bit embarrassing, so of course I couldn’t wait to share it with you on the internet. If I was going to be cheesy and reference a certain movie I could call it my root, but I’m too cool for that.

The Sound of Music! Leisel and Rolfe in the Gazebo! I know I’ve seen the movie at some point during my adulthood or adolescence, but it must have been a long time ago. I never noticed how much agency Liesel has in this scene, that she knows what she wants and is pretty sure she can get it. While Rolfe is singing about how innocent she is and how he has to protect her, she’s trying to move in for a kiss. Then, while she sings about about how innocent she is, she twirls around and crosses her legs, all the while making it quite clear that she’s not so innocent at all. Cliched? Yes. Propagating misogynist standards? Yes. But I still love it.

I loved it as a kid, because this scene has the best dancing and the best twirly dress. I probably saw this movie once a year for most of my childhood. There is a little girl in JP Licks right now wearing a leotard, wrap sweater and ballet skirt. All pink. That’s the kind of kid I was. I refused to wear pants the entire year I was in kindegarten, because I got it into my head that ballerinas don’t wear pants. My very sainted mother sewed me culottes for gym class and bought me thick wool tights and generally put up me, which is kind of amazin.

If I am ever at all capable of flirting it’s because of this scene. I think I learned to “do the eyes” that Jess teases me about from watching this scene over and over as a child. Jess once said that I was “putting on the femme show” when I was flirting with someone, meaning that I put on some kind of feminine behaviors. It’s not really a show, though, because it’s not contrived. Well, maybe it’s half natural and half contrived.

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